Day One: Trying Something New

I've had some big changes in my life in the past two months, and as a result, I have decided to MAKE some big changes, one of which is this blog. I have never been one to advertise my faith -- call it fear or shame or discretion, call it whatever you want, but I just haven't done it for whatever reason. But now I'm starting this blog and, though it's only a blog that only three people may ever read, I feel like it's an important step for me.

Let me begin with why I'm writing this at all: the changes in my life have forced me to reevaluate my priorities, and to look at how I'm living. And, quite frankly, I didn't like what I saw. I saw a frightened girl living in a 20-something's body, unwillingly living out the dreams that her high school teachers, mentors, and parents all set out before her. I got a BA, then an MA, then a Fulbright, and then turned 25, without feeling as though I'd really lived at all.

What I realized is that I lacked a purpose. Oh, I have goals, that's for sure, but I didn't have a purpose for my life. And that's what I think I finally have figured out. I moved towns, joined an awesome church, and am surrounded by Godly friends who encourage and challenge me in my daily walk. And I'm hoping to share some of that with you.

As I look back on my life thus far, I can clearly see that the times that I have been happiest and most content have been the times that I've been the closest to the Lord. Again, you can call this whatever you want -- delusion, a crutch, utter insanity -- but for me, it's true. When my faith is strongest, I feel the most satisfied. Period. And when it's been weak, I've struggled more often with depression, anxiety, loneliness, and wrong choices. I spent the last three years in a very dark period of my life. I was far from God, and so these negative emotions took their toll on me, whether I chose to admit it or not. I can see the consequences now, although it's far too late to change anything that I did.

I'm writing this blog as a real person who is a Christian. And I really don't like using that term because it has so many negative connotations. A "Christian" to the rest of the world is a bad label, a hypocrite, and a phony, not to mention a total dork. But I'm someone who struggles with real-life issues, too. I'm far from perfect (*gasp!*). I'm logical, although I think with my heart (does that sound too contradictory?). I'm always willing to see another side of things. And, maybe most importantly, I don't have all the answers. And I'm willing to admit that.

As I write this blog, I'm going to be exploring things that are going on around me. I'm going to throw out random observations about life and belief and doubt. I'm going to share ideas that are on my heart. Or I might just look at a passage of Scripture that I find particularly meaningful. Call it a "potpourri" of thoughts pertaining to faith and belief. A daily devotion, if you will.

Stay tuned. You might be pleasantly surprised.